Rabid Habs

The 3 Types of Habs Fans in 2018

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

If you are anything like me, hockey is an integral part of your day-to-day life. I try to stay informed of what is happening in the NHL, am a proud season ticket holder of the Laval Rocket and, of course, play at least twice a week. It’s a passion of mine which I am now trying to pass on to my son.

Recently, however, the pleasure of hockey has been lacking. Sure, I still enjoy going out there and lacing up the skates or watching the Habs on TV, but what I find depressing is the perpetual negativity of social media. It seems like I cannot go more than 20 seconds on Twitter without reading a “Trade Pacioretty”, “Fire Bergevin”, “PK this and PK that” and now the ever-present “We should have never traded Sergachev” tweets.

For lack of a better term, I am fed up.

At what point did this once storied franchise with the self-proclaimed “best fans in the game” become so self-righteous?

I used to be one of those fans who mocked Leaf nation, but as I get older life seems to find perspective. Habs fans are not at the point of being just as bad, if not worse, than Leafs fans.

Lucky for you, however, courtesy of my psychology degree, I have been able to subdivide a nation into three easy to define personality traits.

This fan base has eventually subdivided itself into 3 categories.

  1. The Debbie Downer (DD)
  2. The Rose Coloured Glasses (RCG)
  3. The So-Called Experts (SCE)

Take a minute here and try to figure out which one are you.

The Debbie Downer

Simply put, DD’s flourish on making everything and everyone around them negative. Whereas the RCG’s see all things as a glass half-full, DD’s have a difference of perspective.  For them there are only two views to consider. That glass is either half-empty or forget the glass because there’s no point drinking that wretched beverage inside of it.

It is not yet known how these individuals emerged in the Hab universe, however, there are theories that they were either neglected as children, were recent victims of a long-term relationship breakup, or simply lab created in a Boston-area laboratory to create havoc among the innocent.

How to spot them?

DD’s are socially awkward yet prefer to travel and communicate in packs.  They say that misery loves company and they are reflective of this.  You may have difficulty spotting them in crowds as they can blend in. It is therefore crucial to keep your ears open and pay attention to what they say.

DD’s can often be heard saying, “Fire him”, “trade him”, “Subban”, “Sergachev”, “24 Stanley Cups”, “Weber is old”, “Molson doesn’t care”.

The Rose Coloured Glasses

If you thought that the DD was hard to stomach, just wait until you meet a RCG. In simple terms, they make me nauseous. No matter how bad a situation may be, the RCG will always only see the positive. They have a perpetual feeling that everything will be OK and that their beloved players and team will have annual success no matter what the obstacle.

Unlike the DD’s, it is well documented where RCG’s come from.  As children, they were over protected and nurtured by their mothers before being whisked away by their fairy godmothers just before puberty. Rumour has it that they may have been breastfed until the age of 12 which explains the late involvement of their fairy godmothers, but although well documented this has never been proven. Stay away from them at all costs, as their cheerfulness can often be contagious.

How to spot them?

RCG’s stand out like a sore thumb.  They travel the world in their Habs gear, typically will have a Habs logo as their Twitter Avatar and typically include the record of the Canadiens as part of the handle on all social media.

They always travel in packs. They can be heard saying, “I love Pacioretty”, “Free Galchenyuk”, “Weber”, “Jesus Price”, “In Price we trust”, “Plecky”, “Gally”, “How you Drouin”, “this is our year” or when travelling in packs of three are known to have perfected single syllable words in the English Language of  “Go-Habs-Go”.

Engage at your own risk.

The So-Called Experts

So-called experts are like the drunken girlfriend of the group.  You absolutely adore them, you enjoy spending time with them, but they periodically do things that just leave you scratching your head saying please just STFU.

The SCE’s come from many different backgrounds.  Some of them supposedly went to university to obtain journalism degrees, others have played hockey at an “extremely high level”, others are simply friends with the cousin of the girlfriend of a player currently on the roster, or might in fact just “know a guy”.

Unlike DD’s and RCG’s, these individuals have split personalities with a propensity to jump both on and off the band wagon. One minute they are bitterly angry, the next they are happy however regardless of the opinion or mood, differences are justified because of their “off the charts hockey IQ”.

How to spot them?

The greatest attribute of these individuals is that you do not need to find them, they will always find you. Be wary however as they have a need to continuously interrupt discussion with so-called unbiased opinion.

As mentioned above, SCE’s can often be heard saying, “trust me”, “I know”, “I know a guy”, “hockey insider”.

So there you have it. Three personality traits of the Habs twitterverse. Now the simple question remains, which Habs personality are you?