Rabid Habs

Habs History: Vol. 1 – Jumping Jacks

Jack Edwards

First of all I’d like to say it’s good to be back on the Rabid Habs team writing about my passion, my love, my life – the Habs. I will be writing a weekly segment called “Habs History“, and will talk about the ups and downs of the franchise’s long and ongoing life, along with whatever else I feel like writing about when it comes to les Canadiens.

For the very first edition of Habs History, I’ve decided to reminisce about one of the downs (great start huh?). A time that most of us Habs fans can hardly stand to look back on, and a time that probably makes the majority of us Bleu, Blanc et Rouge faithful vomit in our mouths and double over in pain.

Keep in mind that these opinions are my own and do not necessarily represent those of other writers or Rabid Habs Magazine in general.

The time I speak of is April 27, 2011 when our hated rivals, the Boston Bruins eliminated us in game 7 of the opening round of the 2011 playoffs. I, like any other self-respecting Habs fan, cannot stand the sight of those putrid, horrid, disgusting black and gold uniforms of the Bruins prancing around any ice surface, and it’s hard to imagine anything more sickening, other than the blue and white of the Maple Leafs of course, which to me is even more vomit inducing, but that’s a another article all in itself. This is about Boston.

Bare with me, if I seem rather blunt at times and if it seems like I’m losing my cool, because I’m just so passionate about this subject. So anyway, on with the article.

Like any army, friendly or opposing, the Bruins have soldiers, and in Boston’s case they have one of the most annoying, sleezy, slimy soldiers on the planet who has a unique ability to annoy beyond comprehension. Who am I talking about you ask? Is it someone in Bruins management? Newly appointed GM Don Sweeney maybe? Is it former Hab killer Se Bass himself, Cam Neely? No. Those guys would be more like generals than soldiers. Is it a player like Big Z…ZZZZZZZZ… or is it professional diver Brad Marchand? The simple answer to those questions as well is no!

The soldier, or ambassador if you will, that I speak of is none other than Mr. Biased Homer himself, the one and the only, Boston Bruins play-by-play commentator, Jack Edwards. Edwards is known league wide as one of the most biased, pro home team announcers in the game, and that reputation is well deserved. Being eliminated by Jack’s favorite team that night in April 2011 was a hard pill to swallow, but what was an even harder pill to swallow was the fact that the world’s greatest homer took it upon himself to sit in front of a NESN camera following the game and go on one of the most confusing, mind altering rants, not only in the history of sports and sports broadcasting, but in the history of all mankind! If you haven’t seen it here it is:

Done vomiting yet? It’s been four years and I’m not. What escaped from the hole in his face he calls a mouth that gloomy night in Habs history is stomach churning. Such non sensical jibberish never to be forgotten by Habs fans who were aware of the disgusting rant before this article was written, and now I’m sure by Habs fans who are just being introduced to it. All that sarcastic talk about royals sitting on their shiny thrones and the rest of the garbage he verbally puked up that night makes my blood boil to this very day.

Well, I’ve got one simple question for you Jack Edwards. What kind of speech did you rattle off after game 7 of the 2014 playoff series between the Habs and Bruins? A game which saw our beloved Habs put an end to Boston’s season. Where was all the royalty talk then Jack? Exactly how did Mr. Edwards react that night I wonder? I have a strong hunch that his reaction was the complete opposite of mine, because I was so happy that karma reared it’s typically ugly but in this case beautiful glowing head that I did jumping jacks.


Follow Jeff on Twitter @HabsGuru82.