Rabid Habs

Hockey Voc-Hab-Ulary Habs Fans Should Know

PK Subban & Mark Stone

Call it a case of just being late to the party, or perhaps just blame it on my OCD but ever since the first game of these 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs when Subban one-handed Ottawa Senators forward Mark Stone across his wrist, I just cannot get the term MICROFRACTURE out of my head.

If you follow me on Twitter I am sure you have seen quite a few references to this, like the following perhaps:

Fact is that it is outright hilarious to see an organization like the Senators essentially make up a term simply as a means to vilify an opposing player as they lobbied for a suspension. A microfracture is arguably nothing more than what to your fruit when you drop it while washing it; a bruise.

In honor of the hilarity that is this term, I decided to enlighten you all with some words of my own. Call it my Voc-Hab-ulary if you will.

Here goes…

PLEKANECK [pleh-cah-nehk]: A fashion trend originating from Kladno, Czech Republic. Individuals who Plekaneck are generally seen wearing a dark colored turtle neck underneath reputable logos.

  • “I love what he is wearing, is that a Plekaneck?”

DESHARNASSED [deh-harn-est]: Commonly referred to as insanity. Often occurs as a result of a man of power continuously doing the same thing over and over again (usually with a man advantage) and expecting a different result.

  • “That power play is Desharnassed from having done nothing all year long.”

THERRIENY [tyr-ee-an-ee]: Cruel and unfair treatment of younger un-established players by people of power over others. An oppressive harsh and unjust act.

  • “Those poor young players who are not given a fair chance to shine have suffered from Therrieny.”

JESUS PRICE [gee-sus-pry-se]: A messiah who’s lineage can be traced to the Royal bloodline of biblical times. Jesus Price has the ability to make average teams seem invincible and perhaps beyond all explanation, allows coaches to obtain 3 year extensions despite being unwarranted.

  • “Jesus Price is our saviour, without him the Habs would have surely lost this game and Michel Therrien would have been fired.”

PETRY DISH [pee-tree-di-sh]: Not to be confused with a Petri Dish. A Petry dish can be seen in various areas of a hockey rink by which an offensively gifted player proceeds to distribute a black circular piece of rubber (commonly referred to as a puck).

  • “The Canadiens certainly would not have gained possession out of the defensive zone if it wasn’t for that Petry dish”.

BEAUFLOW [bo-flo]: Two commonly used definitions have emerged in the year 2015.

  1. Used to describe a fluent skating motion by a young up and coming player who was not given a fair chance to play by his superior.
  2. Flowing brown hair which appears to blow attractively in the wind as an ice hockey player skates.
  • “Wow that stupendous Beauflow makes me want to grow my hair longer.”

BERGEVINED [bir-je-vein-de]: Originates from the French VIN, meaning wine. It is a term used to describe what appears to be a wine induced intoxication which prohibits the use of proper dialogue, and realistic interpretation during public.

  • “Alex Galchenyuk was Bergevined at that press conference when he was described as unfit to play the center ice position knowing that David Desharnais is currently pegged as the #1 guy.”

POWERPLAY [pow-err-pleh]: I’m sorry but the definition that you seek is unavailable in the Montreal area. Please try again in 2015-16.

GALLAGHRRRRR [gal-ih-grrrrr]: To lack size in a primary role of your team but to play with the heart and more passion than the majority of individuals in your sport.

  • “GallaghRRRRRRR…..RRRRRR……RRRRR”

PAP-SMEAR [pap-smee-rr]: Refusal to play an offensively gifted individual in a prominent role of your team, despite displaying the inability to score goals.

  • “Poor Pierre-Alexandre Parenteau, he is being pap-smeared all over the press box by this coaching staff for no apparent reason.”

PRUSTY [prus-tee]: To finally have age catch up to you after a long and hard career as a pugilist in the NHL.

  • “#8 has had a great career but he is having a hard time catching up to the play and is looking mighty prusty out there.”

WEISERHOOD [wee-ser-hud]: 2 known definitions.

  1. Men you recognize and, quite literally, mock opposing players when they act like total douches.
  2. The area of residence of a sometimes benched, sometimes fourth line, sometimes third line and sometimes first line ice hockey players.
  • “Dale just flexed his muscles at Milan Lucic, essentially welcoming him to the Weiserhood.”

SYSEM [sis-em]: An assemblage or combination of things or parts forming a complex unitary whole.

  • “Da boys play well, dey win becoz of our sysem.”

PATCHED’N’READY [pah-cht-en-reh-dee]: The ability to quickly recover from injury without missing large amounts of time on the NHL ice hockey surface.

  • “I thought #67 had a concussion after that hit, but he was Patched’n’ready to go faster than it takes to eat the McDonald’s Max Burger.”

 

And there you have it. But hey, don’t stop here. If you have any of your own, I would be more than happy to hear them.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @BryanWilley78.